"Standing in the ruins of my life,
I asked how to mend a heart,
Because although I have nothing,
I want to be able to fix something.
I don’t care if I have to staple the pieces
or tape them together; whichever works.
It’s better than watching all I’ve ever known
crumble and wondering why you had to go."

i’ve been asking why, but no one knows the answer… (via thequiethearttalks)

"That’s what they didn’t tell me about depression
You will search for clarity in the wrong places
At the end of a liquor bottle
In the underwear of someone who sees through your eyes and not into then
Through the smoke of a cigarette
Or through the affection of people who want you for the night and not for the morning."

Clarity // E.E (via be-fearless-brave-and-kind)

shortcut-to-wonderland:

We Heart It.
x 714 x

"Maybe I don’t believe in soul mates
(in us, in me, in you)
because if there was anybody destined
to be with me
it was you
and how badly could destiny have screwed up
to place explosives
side by side
face to face
because we were a disaster
waiting to destroy the other
and I guess you won
because I’m in pieces
and you still don’t care
Now, instead of picking me up
you scour the floor for yet
another piece of me
to place in your pocket"

you’re still the only part of me I can’t bring myself to hate

words-and-teardrops

(via words-and-teardrops)

I’m stronger and wiser but it doesn’t make me happier. It doesn’t make things okay. It doesn’t erase the lonely bedside, or the empty inbox. Being strong doesn’t kiss your forehead or hold you tight. Being strong doesn’t hold you , because you have to hold yourself. Being strong is a lie…..and I just can’t do it anymore.

I’ve lived a life where I’ve been called crazy because I cry at night because the man I spent 3 1/2 years with couldn’t stop cheating on me, I’m crazy because at the age of 13 I almost died of an overdose because the kids at school threw piss and food on me everyday and told me to kill myself, my first friend and first love took my virginity and beat me, the first girl that I got close to as a best friend had split personalities and destroyed everything i owned, throughout my life I don’t have a happy moment to share up until the past two years of my life……but I’m just crazy.

Fuck being strong or anything, or trying to handle mental abuse. 

x 33 x

"

they say
i “have”
to hold on
and i’ve tried to
they say
i “can’t”
give up
but i want to
and they say
they’ll be around
but one by one
the storm
that is me
turns white knuckled grips
into red faced
frustration
and they drop
like flies

they say
you can survive
everything
but the last thing
but lately
everything
feels like
the end
i’m all alone
and it’s hard
to pretend.

"

All I do is work nowadays and I’m so lonely…when I have time to hang out with people they’re always busy or don’t reply and I can’t help that I don’t have service and have no free time.

I’m surprised I even have enough time to get on tumblr and write this message but I needed somewhere to vent, because I’m really sad and not just the, I cry myself to sleep sad. The type of sad the covers you in a quilt of darkness, the type of sad where you want to cry but instead you just lash out and keep to yourself, you let anger fill your insides, and you let things bottle up. I truly don’t think anyone cares about me and even if they did….it probably wouldn’t matter to me anymore. I’m mean to people who are nice to me and nice to the people who abuse me.

People keep stating I need therapy but I know what’s wrong with me . Therapy doesn’t take back years of scars and heartbreak…I’m on two different forms of anti-psychotics and all I do is work and drink, on occasion I read my books about philosophy to try and get my mind off of things. I’m just in this dark hole…but it’s a comforting dark hole because nothing can hurt me there but myself until I look up and see the sun shining at the top and feel the ache in my chest over the thought of what it would be like to put myself out there in the world again and for many years I said I would never put up walls, I would never change…and I did….but honestly it’s safer and better to live a lonely life than to deal with the disappointment that this world fills me with.

And maybe I am the crazy one, but I can’t cope with cheaters,liars,not feeling good enough, and heartbreak. I can’t cope anymore…

volcainist:

drinkinq:

do you ever just stare at your homework and cry

x 5543 x
antifetch:

source
x 572 x